I’ll never forget sitting down to Thanksgiving at our lovely neighbors’ house some years back—they always had a house full, and we could pretty much roll next door in our jammies without much fuss (and no dishes! ;)
Wouldn’t you know the mother of a young gay man—in one of many excrutiatingly ridiculous attempts to understand the world her son was quickly moving into—asked my husband and me: “Which one of you is the man, and which is the woman?”
(“I’m definitely the man!” I shrieked, trying to get ahead of that nonsense. ;)
So here’s your chance - what’s that ONE THING you wish people knew about your identity, or that you NEVER WANT TO HEAR OR DEAL WITH AGAIN?
My favorite is being accused of making her son uncomfortable and coming on too strong because, after her insistence that I introduce him to some gay men (presumably so he can be exposed to gay culture) I made the mistake of inviting him to a gay men's house party. No matter how much I explained it consisted of chardonnay and charcuterie boards she kept accusing me of inviting him to an orgy! Some people just can't help themselves....
Thanksgiving turkeys come in all manner of packaging, truly. Thanks for sharing your anecdote and this food for thought, Troy. If I had to pick one "never do I ever want to hear this again line, I'd go with never hearing another cis female, straight or queer, tell me that she "used to be a tomboy too, but grew out of it." So much unstated subtext oozes out of such a line (along with a lot of toxic transphobic sludge) 🤢
Years ago, my then partner and I were having a meal with a lovely, well-meaning straight couple. They asked any number of good questions about two men in a monogamous permanent relationship. Then, out of nowhere, the man said, “We’ll, if we had a gay son, we’d let him have the operation.” Stunned silence followed for a bit, then I said, “Not all gay men want to be women.” And my partner immediately chimed in, “No, I really love that he has a penis!”
My husband and I had a period where we would fit in the same size of clothes and other people would tell us, how practically it must be too be two men able to share the same wardrobe. As if we didn't have the right to have a personal taste any more...
Yes, we too have had those moments... On the flipside are the gay couples who look so similar they could be mistaken for brothers... ;) There's a funny line in a movie, I can't remember which, where an older person who thought two men were brothers is told they are actually a couple and yells out, "Brothers AND lovers?!" We still quote it, years later.
My fave response to people who ask questions they have no right to ask is this: "If you can tell me why you need to know that, I'll consider whether I want to answer."
Love this. I have only once or twice thought quickly enough on my feet to say "I'm curious about why this is important information for you?" Thanks for sharing what feels like a much clearer, sturdier question-reply.
I think I knew around the time the International Male catalog first started coming out. I might have written fan mail to an underwear catalog pretending to be my sister.
Oh boy. Here goes. Yes, I am bi. Yes, I am also monogamous. No, Steve, I have no interest in either you or your girlfriend. And seeing as how I’ve known about this since I was 12, it’s not “a phase”.
OMG. I'm sorry, that made me laugh so hard. My mother once asked me, about a lesbian couple we both knew who'd recently married, "I don't understand. So who's the husband and who's the wife? Someone has to be the husband." I included that in a story I wrote to perform at a Story Slam. Jaw dropping cray-cray. OH, and as it applies to me, when people still ask "But what do two women do in bed, anyway? How does THAT work?" Hmmm. I've given enlightening people. It's a total waste of time.
haha Like I said only one of many absolutely bonkers things this woman said over the years, usually across a crowded dining table, didn't matter who was present. I liked my quick quip, although I might more appropriately have pointed out that as gay men the woman part was rather beside the point. Unless she was asking who was the top and who was the bottom, which her husband actually alluded to at a later date in rather shocking terms (for the dinner table.) Good times. 🤣
Hilarious! It sounds like that woman and my mother might know each other, or really get along if they met. Absolutely no filters! I don't think my mother understands the concept of tops and bottoms. Yeehaw!
My favorite is being accused of making her son uncomfortable and coming on too strong because, after her insistence that I introduce him to some gay men (presumably so he can be exposed to gay culture) I made the mistake of inviting him to a gay men's house party. No matter how much I explained it consisted of chardonnay and charcuterie boards she kept accusing me of inviting him to an orgy! Some people just can't help themselves....
"Rough, ROUGH anal sex." 'Nuff said about that train wreck.
Thanksgiving turkeys come in all manner of packaging, truly. Thanks for sharing your anecdote and this food for thought, Troy. If I had to pick one "never do I ever want to hear this again line, I'd go with never hearing another cis female, straight or queer, tell me that she "used to be a tomboy too, but grew out of it." So much unstated subtext oozes out of such a line (along with a lot of toxic transphobic sludge) 🤢
Wow I can think of seven things wrong with that just off the top of my cissy gay head. Here's hoping! ✊💛
🤞
That a relationship which appears on the surface to be heterosexual can still be made up of two people who are somewhere along the LGBTQIA spectrum!
Yes! I feel like we're slowly moving away from either/or thinking and moving into an "and And AND" spectrum.
Years ago, my then partner and I were having a meal with a lovely, well-meaning straight couple. They asked any number of good questions about two men in a monogamous permanent relationship. Then, out of nowhere, the man said, “We’ll, if we had a gay son, we’d let him have the operation.” Stunned silence followed for a bit, then I said, “Not all gay men want to be women.” And my partner immediately chimed in, “No, I really love that he has a penis!”
haha That's crazy, but also, thoughtful in a bass ackwards kinda way? 😂 Perfect response!
My husband and I had a period where we would fit in the same size of clothes and other people would tell us, how practically it must be too be two men able to share the same wardrobe. As if we didn't have the right to have a personal taste any more...
Yes, we too have had those moments... On the flipside are the gay couples who look so similar they could be mistaken for brothers... ;) There's a funny line in a movie, I can't remember which, where an older person who thought two men were brothers is told they are actually a couple and yells out, "Brothers AND lovers?!" We still quote it, years later.
My fave response to people who ask questions they have no right to ask is this: "If you can tell me why you need to know that, I'll consider whether I want to answer."
Love this. I have only once or twice thought quickly enough on my feet to say "I'm curious about why this is important information for you?" Thanks for sharing what feels like a much clearer, sturdier question-reply.
Yeah, I kind of like the statement response rather than the question. After all, they can't or won't) really say why they want to know.
Yep. What I recall having gotten back was "I'm just curious" and a deflecting shrug.
Brilliant!
Well, without getting too graphic, I'd say we don't all like to perform the same sex acts or for that matter have the same sexual appetite!
So wait, you're saying it ain't all about the bass after all? ;)
Ha! You got that right!
haha I do like a little treble 😂
Yes. I knew in third grade that I was different. College did not make me gay.
I think I knew around the time the International Male catalog first started coming out. I might have written fan mail to an underwear catalog pretending to be my sister.
Oh boy. Here goes. Yes, I am bi. Yes, I am also monogamous. No, Steve, I have no interest in either you or your girlfriend. And seeing as how I’ve known about this since I was 12, it’s not “a phase”.
That Steve, I tells ya.
OMG. I'm sorry, that made me laugh so hard. My mother once asked me, about a lesbian couple we both knew who'd recently married, "I don't understand. So who's the husband and who's the wife? Someone has to be the husband." I included that in a story I wrote to perform at a Story Slam. Jaw dropping cray-cray. OH, and as it applies to me, when people still ask "But what do two women do in bed, anyway? How does THAT work?" Hmmm. I've given enlightening people. It's a total waste of time.
haha Like I said only one of many absolutely bonkers things this woman said over the years, usually across a crowded dining table, didn't matter who was present. I liked my quick quip, although I might more appropriately have pointed out that as gay men the woman part was rather beside the point. Unless she was asking who was the top and who was the bottom, which her husband actually alluded to at a later date in rather shocking terms (for the dinner table.) Good times. 🤣
Hilarious! It sounds like that woman and my mother might know each other, or really get along if they met. Absolutely no filters! I don't think my mother understands the concept of tops and bottoms. Yeehaw!